25.01.2006, 16:47
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF HOCKEY FANS
I: Thou shalt keep thy butt in thou's seat whenever the puck is in play
No need for a master's degree for this one. When there is action on the ice you need to be paying attention to it. Not getting up to pee, not getting something to eat, not doing anything but watching the game. Besides, it blocks the view of all the other fans trying to watch the freaking game.
II: Thou shalt not put any team before the home team
Meaning other teams in the same league. Again someone less than a rocket scientist could see the importance here. If you don't root for the home team in your own arena, then go home. You're taking up valuable space and air.
III: Thou shalt dress appropriately so that one can be recognized for which team you are allianced to, and so that there will be no need for fixing hair, makeup, and assorted bra-straps during the game
Look all you PB wannabees, grooming is for the bathroom mirror, the rear-view mirror, and whatever reflects back when you stumble out of someone's house you don't know in the middle of the night trying to find your car. Not in your seat at a hockey game. And yes, we need to know what team your rooting for. So wear your colours proud. If you are not a particular fan of a team, and are just there to watch a certain player wear colours identifying that player’s previous team. Lettered Jerseys are a big help to the slow witted crowd!
IV: Thou shalt not use disruptive electronic communicative devices during a hockey game
What could be more important than a hockey game? Your child is sick? NO. Your grandmother just died? NO. You just lost your job because you called in sick again to see the game? NO. Have a friend wanting game updates, wait for a stoppage! Need to make reservations for the after game get-together? WAIT FOR A STOPPAGE!
V: Thou shalt not covet the visiting team's players
Ok, Bunnies listen up! It isn't right to be drooling over a player in an enemy jersey. And yes, this one maybe lost on some of you guys out there, or maybe not?? Stating that an enemy player just made a good play or something is okay, but making PB comments is forbidden!!!
VI: Thou shalt allow others to fully express themselves at all times during hockey games.
Yes Grandma, it's a hockey game. Not the library. If you don't want your kids learning those words don't seat them near us. If loud noises bother you, you may want to take up yoga. But whatever you do, don't tell us to shut up, because we are there to let the team know we support them in the loudest way possible – and we will make total asses out of ourselves to do it!
VII: Thou shalt do everything humanly possible to disrupt the opposing goaltender.
Of all the commandments this is my most favorite and easy to follow. Find the flaw, odd quirk, or unusual body part and throw the goalie off his game. The more he's thinking about what we're going to yell next, the more goals go in for our team.
VIII: Thou shalt take the referee's name in vain.
Goes without saying. They are all jackasses who can't see two inches in front of their own faces. They are lower forms of life. They are just plain stupid. So they frequently need to be reminded of where to go & how to get there.
IX: Thou shalt not die during a hockey game
I really did not think that this commandment was necessary, but it happened to someone near me during an AHL playoff game a few years ago. Talk about disruptive! There were paramedics all over the place, devibulators going off, IV's dripping. Eweeeuuuu. So just don't – save it for outside the arena, after the game!
X: Thou shalt cheer as hard as possible for the home team, no matter what the score is, no matter what the season record is. Does not apply to visiting fans, just respect the home team.
I: Thou shalt keep thy butt in thou's seat whenever the puck is in play
No need for a master's degree for this one. When there is action on the ice you need to be paying attention to it. Not getting up to pee, not getting something to eat, not doing anything but watching the game. Besides, it blocks the view of all the other fans trying to watch the freaking game.
II: Thou shalt not put any team before the home team
Meaning other teams in the same league. Again someone less than a rocket scientist could see the importance here. If you don't root for the home team in your own arena, then go home. You're taking up valuable space and air.
III: Thou shalt dress appropriately so that one can be recognized for which team you are allianced to, and so that there will be no need for fixing hair, makeup, and assorted bra-straps during the game
Look all you PB wannabees, grooming is for the bathroom mirror, the rear-view mirror, and whatever reflects back when you stumble out of someone's house you don't know in the middle of the night trying to find your car. Not in your seat at a hockey game. And yes, we need to know what team your rooting for. So wear your colours proud. If you are not a particular fan of a team, and are just there to watch a certain player wear colours identifying that player’s previous team. Lettered Jerseys are a big help to the slow witted crowd!
IV: Thou shalt not use disruptive electronic communicative devices during a hockey game
What could be more important than a hockey game? Your child is sick? NO. Your grandmother just died? NO. You just lost your job because you called in sick again to see the game? NO. Have a friend wanting game updates, wait for a stoppage! Need to make reservations for the after game get-together? WAIT FOR A STOPPAGE!
V: Thou shalt not covet the visiting team's players
Ok, Bunnies listen up! It isn't right to be drooling over a player in an enemy jersey. And yes, this one maybe lost on some of you guys out there, or maybe not?? Stating that an enemy player just made a good play or something is okay, but making PB comments is forbidden!!!
VI: Thou shalt allow others to fully express themselves at all times during hockey games.
Yes Grandma, it's a hockey game. Not the library. If you don't want your kids learning those words don't seat them near us. If loud noises bother you, you may want to take up yoga. But whatever you do, don't tell us to shut up, because we are there to let the team know we support them in the loudest way possible – and we will make total asses out of ourselves to do it!
VII: Thou shalt do everything humanly possible to disrupt the opposing goaltender.
Of all the commandments this is my most favorite and easy to follow. Find the flaw, odd quirk, or unusual body part and throw the goalie off his game. The more he's thinking about what we're going to yell next, the more goals go in for our team.
VIII: Thou shalt take the referee's name in vain.
Goes without saying. They are all jackasses who can't see two inches in front of their own faces. They are lower forms of life. They are just plain stupid. So they frequently need to be reminded of where to go & how to get there.
IX: Thou shalt not die during a hockey game
I really did not think that this commandment was necessary, but it happened to someone near me during an AHL playoff game a few years ago. Talk about disruptive! There were paramedics all over the place, devibulators going off, IV's dripping. Eweeeuuuu. So just don't – save it for outside the arena, after the game!
X: Thou shalt cheer as hard as possible for the home team, no matter what the score is, no matter what the season record is. Does not apply to visiting fans, just respect the home team.